your terrible ideas

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

2. I'll move to San Francisco
3. Make a monster costume out of a dirty shag rug
4. Mobile DJ at English pub in a town an hour away using a PA I've never used

5. date down

6. date

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

7. An adaption of The Mikado done entirely using mobile ringtones.

8. a book about combat rock compared/contrasted with the 1982 worlds fair

9. (another music one, but that's what I save most of my truly bad ideas for) An album made entirely using samples from Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" and Presley's "Having Fun With Elvis On Stage" (because they are supposedly the worst two albums ever made - my theory being that I could make an even worse-er album by combining them).

10. putting chilli sauce on vanilla ice cream - one mouthful was enough to cause projectile vomiting.

11. marinara sauce and peanut butter

12. Going back to school.

nah, that's a great idea.

13. Starting the thread "What does 'rockist' mean?"

14. A pop group exclusively made up of 2 year olds called Diaper Rash.

13. Starting the thread "What does 'rockist' mean?"

― bamcquern, Saturday, July 4, 2009 11:05 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

if your original post was a gigantic picture of goatse with an embedded sound clip of, i dunno, somebody having explosive diarrhea or something, then it'd be a pretty great idea

15. deciding you wanna ride a goddamn ferris wheel

16. 1p3

rong

17. Sell white rice dyed brown to exploit gullible newcomers to the health food world (long time health food consumers would probably see right through the scam.) The brand would be called "Rice that is Brown" rather than "So-and-So brown rice" and list the ingredients in super timy print.

eh..tiny print

haha the next step would be "Rice that is Multiethnic" and it would just be bag of Fruity Pebbles.

would that actually like... save you any money?

slocki you don't get it--IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA!

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

7. An adaption of The Mikado done entirely using mobile ringtones.

18. an adaptation of Do You Remember Love?/Macross for the musical theater/broadway stage.

maybe less terrible and more so not gonna happen why bc i am lazy

im dying over rice that is brown

19. Putting a book of my poetry out
20. Taking up a drug habit on the back of the highly unlikely profits from this anthology of work (any suggestions for the drugs?)

idk I've actually been pretty impressed with yr writing. Honestly.

21. Combination mezzuzah and bottle opener, so you're never at a loss with a cold beer in your hand.

(xxpost) not my terrible idea, but someone once suggested to me, in all seriousness, that I become a smack head in order to guarantee that I could continue to claim benefits.

patoetry plzzz

art project involving tramp stamps, semen and polaroid camera.

A Terrible Plan!

tramp stamps on actual tramps

like, hoboes

i thought it would be great an edgy brooklyn gallery! you know, like, transgressive sexuality & the mainstream appeal of defacing the body. or something.

you have to go for that obsessive all-over-composition style in the installation ... also you need typewritten descriptions of the context for each photo

make the stamp say something edgy like "FEMINISM" or "ART" or something

the images will be titled with the content of the stamp.

for example:
daisies no. 2
chinese character nos. 1-3

maybe you can install them onto a traced map of your city, with push pins, and place them in the locations where the people live or were photographed, and it could be a commentary on gentrification or routes travelled.

I'm trying to combine all the edgy art trends I can think of ...

^feelin this

http://regretfulmorning.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/dunk-hunt-tramp-stamp.jpg

http://purefnevyl.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/corinthians_tramp_stamp.jpg

http://www.thesicness.com/pics/march09/03072009/tramp_stamp.jpg

I think a pretty funny tramp stamp would be a second asshole

http://rlv.zcache.com/tramp_stamp_inspector_mug-p168228570079141682qzje_400.jpg

idk I've actually been pretty impressed with yr writing. Honestly.

u drunk

Nope and I still stand by that statement.

"dunk hunt"

20-something. momus hosts a cooking show called "cumin in a girl's mouth"

otherwise known as "Monday" in Japan

Freak out the receptionist at work.

Sorry John, but I like to freak you out

This thread reminds me of a scene from Office Space:

TOM: You know there are people in this world who don't have to put up with all this shit? Like that guy that invented the pet rock. You see, that's what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that and you never have to work again!

MICHAEL (with resigned, but obvious, disgust): You think the pet rock was a really great idea?

TOM: Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars!

The confident, oblivious way Tom answers Michael Bolton always makes me smile.

Staying on to train my replacement.

tbf is that YOUR terrible idea, or the terrible idea of the management?

you had better tell him about the hardline no homophobes policy.

my terrible idea. i haven't actually suggested it to anyone as they don't even know i'm leaving yet, but i'm considering it. means my two weeks notice would maybe be extended by one week.

Is it the kind of place, where if you concede to doing that, they could be nice and let you collect unemployment?

Blind Items...OF THE FUTURE

this yoga place here in the DC area had the terrible idea to send around a halloween promo email that says HAPPY YOGA'WEEN

at first I was like.. what! they are starting a yoga class with only music from WEEN? sadly, they aren't

lol yoga'ween is utterly ridiculous.

my current terrible idea is crushing on a woman fifteen years older than me.

i'm sure she'd be flattered

yeah, i'd rather get some snuggling tbh.

i always joked that since my last two relationship fell apart when the lady turned thirty, i really wanted to try dating someone on the cusp of 40; this lady is 39. sigh.

be careful.

well, yeah.

I saw a sticker on a car today that looked like a rastafied Motorhead logo and thought it might have said "Märleyhead". If this hasn't been done it would be a pretty terrible idea for a cover band - play the Bob songs Lemmy style and the Lemmy songs Bob style.

redemption song still the show stopper.

i would go out of morbid curiosity

which may or may not be a terrible idea in itself

want to open up a french fry shop in moscow called 'vladimir poutine'

that is not a terrible idea, it's a TERRIFIC idea!

A brokerage or real-estate office where liberals who live in red states and conservatives who live in godless heathen liberal areas can just swap properties -- yea or nay?

conservatives don't surrender ime

darraghmac, just imagine that I came out with a new "translation" of the Tain bo Cuailnge where Cuchullain had a little kid helper always quick with a current-to-the-times wisecrack, and the name of the character was like "Moomoollin'"

now animate that

.....

― brad whitford's impotent rage (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved), Friday, 30 April 2010 16:29 (4 hours ago) Bookmark

^ could still get behind this, tbh

parody thread called "Best of the Internet: Animated YIFs."

then did a google search and oh god why

why why why

I want to make a movie about a british politician who goes vegan and the hilarious fallout that occurs afterwards, it will be called "soy tory"

8. a book about combat rock compared/contrasted with the 1982 worlds fair

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, July 4, 2009 4:38 AM (1 year ago)

kinda wanna jump back into this one

go for it!

TV show about a nerdy Jewish mathematician living in NYC called "Seinwave"

(inspired by cruts post on wolf thread)

quit job, start a noise band

call it dale earnhardt jr jr jr

your noise band could open for conceptual joke noise band #4 of mine named: I Love You But My Panda Is Gay

^^ merch would consist of different colored hankies with one panda mounting the other from behind as the pattern

my terrible hypothetical noise band doesn't play shows, it only practices

we open for the beginning of The Office reruns on TNT

we are legendary

My terrible hypothetical noise band doesn't play shows, or practice, or record. However we (I actually) will record an album in one day, to be titled "aaaaaaarrrgh". I'm pretty sure this is a terrible idea.

p sure john & yoko beat u to this?

but in any case, it's merely an extension of how 90% of people approach college/work assignments

xp not unless John sang through a toy voice changing megaphone.

Just to clarify, it's not that my hypothetical noise band's music is played on tv before the office reruns on TNT, it's that at practice we pay special attention to when the show is about to start, we play our music during the commercial break, and then stop suddenly the moment the rerun begins.

I just don't want anyone to get the wrong terrible idea

yeah it's true the clarification makes it clear that it really is a terrible idea

- a book called 'Also Available In White', containing photos of phrases seen written in the grime on the back of white vans.

- midget estate agents, to make houses seem bigger to prospective buyers.

hahaha

irl lol

midget estate agents, to make houses seem bigger to prospective buyers.

i want to vacuum seal this and save it for a rainy day when i need some cheering up.

http://static.nme.com/images/blog/Fever_Ray_chair.jpg

-signing up for cougartown.com

-i dont know if this is just a Hawaii thing or what, but you see t-shirts and stickers EVERYWHERE that just say "LISTEN TO BOB MARLEY" in white block letters on a black background. Terrible idea: print up shirts that say "STOP LISTENING TO BOB MARLEY"

Start a canine-themed Nine Inch Nails tribute act called March of the Pugs

friend had a terrible idea involving pugs once but a lot of assholes beat him to it:

http://www.google.com/images?q=pug%20life%20shirt&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1146&bih=463

- a book called 'Also Available In White', containing photos of phrases seen written in the grime on the back of white vans.

i think that's a great idea! for some reason it reminds me of this

I originally had the idea 15 years ago, and have been reminded about it three or four times a year since then. The basic flaw that makes it a terrible idea is that, as far as I can gather from my UK based research, only the following things are ever written in the dirt on the back of a white van:

*'Also available in white'
*'I wish my wife was as dirty as this van'
*smiley face with 'Hello' speech bubble
*'FUCK'/'SHIT'/'PISS'/'WANKERS'/etc.
*drawing of a cock

It really torments me*. As an abstract idea, it looks like it should be a coffee table book. In reality it's probably a blog that gets abandoned after about half a dozen entries.

(*OK not really)

are you above sneaking around writing witty messages on the vans yourself and photographing them? NO ONE WOULD KNOW

I thought about that, but even back then as a morally flexible 21 year old, I knew that my conscience would hunt me down.

they don't write "Wash me!" on cars in the UK?

Saving that for the second book tbh...

- an emergency eyewear service for people who lose their contact lenses or glasses while traveling. just dial a hotline number, and the Sightmobile (which plays "I Can See Clearly Now" in dinky ice cream van fashion) will deliver you a pair of disposable contacts or rental eyeglasses for a slightly ridiculous fee.

I guess you could also pick up emergency eyewear at Lenscrafters, but how are you supposed to get to Lenscrafters if you can't fucking see?

- helpmelayer.com - combines fashion advice and weather info - you can plug in your projected route when going out at night, and it will tell you whether you can get away with just t-shirt + hoodie, or whether short-sleeve + sweater + coat would be best

^^ it would have a very simple graphic interface for those who are already intoxicated before leaving the house - like "you will be freezing your ass off" would be a blue cartoon face with icicles hanging off it. You could also submit pictures of your wardrobe for more advanced customization

you know these last 2 ideas arent that bad

last one could be v handy in SF

i like the "i can see clearly now" van!

automatic vibrating toothbrush with built-in battery that recharges using the same mechanism as those flashlights that you shake back and forth to recharge.

flaw: who really cares about having a vibrating toothbrush?

would the vibration of the toothbrush cause the battery to recharge itself? have you just invented the world's first perpetual motion device?

maybe its not a bad idea. all the world's machines will run using the energy created by this toothbrush.

I really like your idea, karl, but uh, don't almost all electric toothbrushes vibrate? the ones with round, spinning heads only vibrate as a consequence of the spinning, but some of the higher-end models have an ordinary toothbrush head that cleans your teeth by vibrating at a super high speed. that Philips Sonicare hoonja-doonja is probably the best known example of the latter. it seems like every time I go to the dentist (which is not very often lately ha ha), the hygienist recommends that I buy a Sonicare. I trust her judgment, so I'll cave in one of these days. it vibrates at something like 30,000 brush strokes per minute, and it's really good at getting into those tight spaces between your teeth and under your gums — a u&k thing for anyone who's ever suffered from gingivitis. it's only $69.99 and up at Best Buy. ayo y'all, you should stop by there someday and ask for Jason (that's me!).

ha ha ha, grats dude, you know a lot about toothbrushes..

STUFU

xp - creating a sockpuppet called "target" to post about things being on sale at Target at lower prices in threads that "best buy" posted in

- A concept album based on an alternative history of the 20th century, where the Soviet Union doesn't exist, and the Communist Revolution happens in the US instead. Titled 'USSA' - United Socialist States of America. The cover would be a US flag, but the stripes in red and gold, and a hammer & sickle in the corner instead of the stars.

uh, anyway, unregistered, idk why i didn't say this last night, i guess cause i was drunk, but the "idea" part of my post was about the recharging thing, not the vibration. you are probably unaware of the shakey-flashlight-battery mechanism that i'm talkin about.

but y'see, my comment was in response to the "who really cares about having a vibrating toothbrush" part of your post and not what came before it. the shake 'n bake battery is a new concept to me, although I guess it isn't all that different from the crank-operated flashlight I own but only really use as a toy. I'm sure I'd get a lot of use out of your toothbrush on a long camping trip if I actually went camping on a regular basis.

(I wasn't drunk yesterday, so I have no excuse for any idiocy I spouted at the time, or any time really)

my toothbrush will be useful at home, too. you will never have to buy another one b/c the battery won't die and you won't have to plug it in b/c you will recharge it just by using it! i'm also thinking about adding LED lights. and various fancy replacement heads that have different strengths and weaknesses so you will want them all.

million dollars bomb pops

every package of bombpops contains a card that says "YOU WIN ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Enter in your victory code at www.------.com for details" But when you go to the website, it's just a link to my noise band called "One Million Dollars" that accompanies the lead-in commercials to The Office reruns on TNT, and there's fine print that says something like "Bomb Pops(tm) assumes that the phrase 'you win one million dollars' means 'you listen to the demos of the band One Million Dollars'

the blank stares I get when trying to explain this to my beyonce reminds me of what the founders of google must have gotten when they explained their ideas

If it includes replacement heads to clean your grill, toilet, cat, and kitchen floor, I'd easily buy a dozen of those, xxpost.

a nudie pin-up calendar to sell as a fundraiser for Safe Streets based on the warning on the back of meterperson cars "Battery on a Parking Control Officer is a criminal offence"

the calendar would feature parking control officers naked with various batteries covering the porno bits

'Jim'll fsck It' - a TV show starring Sir Jimmy Saville OBE, where he goes to a different server farm every week and runs fsck on a server.

Similar to a terrible idea I had once for a black version of the show called Jamahl'll Fix It

Quo-O-Meter - a plank of wood marked off with a graduated scale. You stand on it with your feet apart and read off the scale how rockin' all over the world you are. Feet almost together would be "Marguerita Time", feet far apart would be "Caroline" or something.

lolin at Jim'll fsck it

I thought that after Saville runs fsck, he could go "ahahaurahuauharuaahah" while waving a cigar (unlit of course). Or "How's about that they, boys and girls!". Then they could play the theme song at the end, with the lyrics amended to "Now he's done it. Jim has fsck'ed it for you!" etc.
It was the best - meaning least terrible - out of a number of celebrity themed ideas which also included "Paul Daniels' root Password Reminder Show" and "Jimmy Tarbuck Goes To The Big Laser Printer At The End Of The Hall, Takes Out The Toner Cartridge, Shakes It About A Bit, And Then Puts It Back In Programme".

Pitchforke Reviewes Reviewes - a blog reviewing pitchfork reviews in Chaucerian english

could definitely work

i made a modern to middle english translator once -- it didn't work very well:

"not alle messages are displayed: show alle messages (138 of them)"

Pitchfork Reviews Revue - a troupe of Folies girls who review Pitchfork reviews via interpretive can-can routines

An edible model of the titanic -made of seitan- called : the seitanic

they should make boogle which is google but has ghosts and skeletons

xp - did i ever tell you about the spaghetti boats?

Last night I had this terrible idea while drunk having no patience at the microwave -

ME: I wish there was a microwave that would get something FIVE MINUTE hot but in just 50 seconds...
EMILY: What?!
ME: You know, like it still did the work of the time you wanted, but in a fraction of the time - 3 MINUTES in 30 seconds....
EMILY: You mean a higher powered microwave?
ME: Yeah, I guess so.

hahaha, that was like some kind of microwave version of the spinal tap "goes to 11" thing

lol totally!

also

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9mioHO4hoM

i made a modern to middle english translator once -- it didn't work very well:

"not alle messages are displayed: show alle messages (138 of them)"

― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, September 15, 2010 11:43 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark

aloh

HOMER SIMPSON (watching meatloaf rotating in microwave oven): "Oooooh... Why isn't there anything faster than a microwave?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKzr42_0rEg

"prose and cons": a collection of short stories written by inmates (no poems, though)

wow, this is like the thread that i need to be on all the time.

I would read "Prose and Cons."

I'd at least crack it open, anyway.

ME: I wish there was a microwave that would get something FIVE MINUTE hot but in just 50 seconds...
EMILY: What?!
ME: You know, like it still did the work of the time you wanted, but in a fraction of the time - 3 MINUTES in 30 seconds....
EMILY: You mean a higher powered microwave?
ME: Yeah, I guess so.

<3 this, cos I have exactly these kind of conversations.

The only one I can think of right now is "Minute Made" which was gonna be an album of songs we were only gonna allow ourselves one minute to write. Or be one minute long. I forget which now.

Gave up on that idea pretty fast.

lol @ half these being "your terrible puns"

Telling my camp girlfriend "I only went out with you because girls at home don't like me"

big up camp girlfriends

Still want a microwave that gets things cold fast, like beer.

perhaps it would be a macrowave.

My brother has proposed such a thing so many times in life, and always follows it with an explanation of why it wouldn't work. He did it the other night on the phone. He really knows how to talk himself down from his own imagination.

Seems like if you can expand molecules without, you know, setting shit on fire or boiling it, you should also be able to contract molecules without freezing them.

http://ask.metafilter.com/162474/The-AntiKettle

To create a reverse microwave maybe you just have to cross some wires in the power cord so you can have the same effect as when you put your flashlight batteries the wrong way round (it shines darkness).

What about when they purposefully give accident victims hypothermia so their systems shut down and they don't get infections. How come I can't do that to my beer?

Don't they just ice 'em down?

"Doctors cool the body a few degrees by injecting icy saline into the patient. The goal is to limit swelling, inflammation, and other spinal cord damage."

you could probably put cold saltwater in your beer

"Hmmmm, Icy Cold Michelob Saline."

Might be an improvement.

maybe pre-freeze beer in a honeycomb lattice pucks, then drop those into a cup before pouring the rest of the beer in it -- it should colden up more quickly than ice cubes methinks?

http://www.wholesalebarsupplies.com/images/Chiller-Group.jpg

I've seen this in bars, but they're not handy at home.

Don't like them in bars either since you're no longer getting your money's worth.

"prose and cons": a collection of short stories written by inmates (no poems, though)

― tumlbrah (dayo), Sunday, September 26, 2010 10:48 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Sorry, but I think Saturday Night Live beat you to it by a few decades (I can't watch this clip, but I think it's about Jack Abbott, the incarcerated writer Norman Mailer discovered)

take the principle of this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-heating_can and replace the exothermic reaction with an endothermic reaction. would probably cost too much though. endothermic reactions involve weird reagents and dangerous products.

Theres a bottle shop near me that has these holes in bench that it say are for "rapid chilling" bottles of wine. I dunno how it works or how effective it is. But having one built into ones kitchen bench would be awesome.

A stick of rock with 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it. So when people suggest something that's a bad idea, I can say "That's such a bad idea, that if it were a stick of rock, it would have 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it.". Then I would hand them the actual stick of rock with 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it.

you can get 'em with 'Blackpool' written all the way through; pretty much the same thing

haha

a second driving test where u get drunk beforehand -- if u pass, whatever u blew on the breathalyzer is your new legal limit

you have maybe won thread

xp: I was thinking about pretty much the same thing except substitute "cellphone conversation" for "drunk" in light of Maryland's new anti-cell phone while driving legislation.

Abracadaver - a novelty funeral parlour (advertising slogan: "We make bodies disappear... Like magic!")

why is abracadaver in the terrible ideas thread? you should put it in the awesome ideas thread

xp - wouldn't that be more like a killer-for-hire business?

Or crime scene clean up?

yes - crime scene clean up - even better!

"You stab them, we slab them!"

http://www.istrianet.org/istria/visual_arts/history/images/skeleton-dancing1.gif

since this thread has taken a turn for the morbid, I propose a machine that makes dead people speak. it would mechanically stimulate/move all of the corpse's speech organs, forcing air through the vocal tract, opening and closing the larynx, and moving the tongue, lips, and jaw. everything would be computerized so that the corpse-machine could vocalize text transmitted to it remotely via laptop. the typist could get it to produce words as well as nonverbal utterances (sighs, groans, laughs, etc.), and the system would approximate the dead person's accent.

I think it would be really popular to have dead people "speak" at their own funerals, offering words of comfort like "I'm not in any pain" and "I met rover on the rainbow bridge; he says woof". if you tied the body to a chair and added some eye and head movements, the mourners might even forget for a few magical minutes that their loved one was dead.

creative people could even use the corpse-machine for performance art, having it recite the Last Rites or sing "Nearer My God to Thee" over and over until its speech organs slowly decayed, reducing its voice from a normal, lifelike tone to a ghastly, unintelligible rasp to a hollow gust of wind. the length of the performance would be determined, of course, by the quality of the embalming.

(if things got out of hand, you could always send the corpse-machine to Abracadaver for "reprogramming")

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7zDebveHeM

Juzzzztiizzzz

ok wow

since this thread has taken a turn for the morbid, I propose a machine that makes dead people speak.

Sounds really Victorian to me.

delivery breakfast in bed. u drop your spare key off the day before.

is this maybe a great idea? i can't tell

could work for fancy people

or people with aspirations of fanciness

would have to present itself as a v fancy business, as if jeeves is every employee

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j237/innocentsmith/smith/Tuppy124.jpg

noting that cigarette lighters run out of either flint or gas first, a light 'chop shop' that could then cobble together the parts to make 'new' lighters.

Of course the work involved would mean charging far more than just buying a new one.

also

a charitable organisation that provided vuvuzelas for underprivileged street children

a interior design firm that only decorates your home with giant S's decked out in gold and lame and other expensive things, the firm is called "large S"

wait largesse doesn't mean what I thought it means :(

Sometimes it's pronounced "large-ease", so maybe you need to switch to giant E's instead.

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

feel like people have used that strategy with me in relationships

When I was in middle school we actually had a b&w xerox machine in the house and I devised a plan to xerox playboys and sell them at school. I did market research by asking around how much people would pay but I never followed through.

Reminds me of a much terribler idea- hiding a porn mag by burying it.

in a simpler, non-internet time: i hand copied all the moves lists/fatalities/animalities/etc for each of the MK II and III arcade games onto notebook paper, copied them into little booklets and tried to sell them as "strategy guides" at the mall. I think i sold two and covered my xerox fees.

Aw, that's awesome! One time my six-year-old brother sold me a list of Warcraft 2 cheat codes that he'd hand copied from the internet. Really bad little kid penmanship with none of them written correctly, like "who your daddy." Well worth the $1 I paid because it is the cutest thing ever.

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7825/cheatcodes.jpg

what did those do?

Man, I don't even remember.

- badgering Marc Alm0nd into recording an album with me to be titled 'The Quaker & The Satanist'. Advertising strapline would be: 'One of these people won't remove his hat in front of a judge, swear an oath to tell the truth in court, or accept the Bible as the final word of God. The other is a Satanist.'. (note: have never actually been a Quaker - too much effort...)

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

― The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, October 15, 2010 12:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

I just sorta did this now - alternated bites of sardines with bites of raw garlic. luckily I live alone, and have no significant other.

i just had an idea for a shirt design. its a white polo with thin red stripes about an inch apart and about 1/4 inch thick. in the middle of the torso, the white, unlined parts will be filled in in the following order, from top to bottom: yellow, green and red (in one, half and half), brown, and then yellow again, forming an abstract burger in the center of the shirt

^^^ that actually sounds pretty awesome

yeah im coming around to it tbh

yeah i would wear that shirt

get tiarnan on it asap

idea for prank. hire gallagher and carrot top and jerry lewis to patronize store where friend works, one after the other, about five minutes apart. gallagher pees in the back of the store and verbally abuses friend, calling them a shitbag, etc... carrot top spills coffee everywhere. jerry lewis would be talking in his goofy manchild voice and generally acting manic.

wow!

also, have taken to repeating 'palate confuser!' to the tune of sonic reducer in my head. :/

a t-shirt that says "DAFT JUNK (arrow pointing down)"

haha is it written in rainbow molten silver font

haha yes ^_^

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

I have typed that out a couple times in the past few days & deleted it every time/

A three-lidded toilet seat aimed at the luxury commodities market. "Still using two lids? Now feel the awesome power of THREE! Triple PROTECTION, Triple COMFORT - Be the envy of anyone who comes round and uses the lav! More interesting arguments with your spouse about bathroom etiquette! Buy! Buy! Buy!" or something

Deciding age 18 that I wasn't good enough to be a computer programmer.

I just came up with an idea for a shot at the bar: TUACA FLOCKA FLAME

It is a shot of Tuaca with 151 so it can be set on fire.

BITCH I'M DRUNK
BITCH I'M DRUNK

Chill the Tuaca and float the 151 on top with a spoon? Not sure if the difference in specific gravity is enough though.

not a bad idea afaict

Seems a pretty good idea provided that not too many are drunk in one sitting.

you should have this drink with guest artist OJ Da Juiceman

"The Boy in Mayor McCheese"

I had the terrible idea today of getting a little line or something tattooed on my foot. The line would be where toe decreases start on a knitted sock, so I could try on a partially made sock and see if it was long enough to reach the tattoo: if it was, I'd know to start making the toe decreases. This is a terrible idea.

Years ago when I learned CPR I had a similar idea. They told us if you didn't apply CPR to the right area of a person's ribcage, you could generally fuck up and/or kill the person. SO the idea was to get a tattoo of a dotted rectangle and label it ACCEPTABLE CPR AREA.

i think those are both great ideas.

Ooh, I especially like that second idea. It'd also be nice to put a little "please donate my organs to those who need them, as I have repeatedly requested" instruction on there, because I'm always nervous that my intentions won't be clear due to the smudges on the back of my drivers license.

I once read a sci-fi book where people had their medical details tattooed on their bodies in ultraviolet ink.

yeah, pretty good idea imo. i would put a little asterisk where the decreases start

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

me and my friend tonight devised this plan

1) we will both learn french
2) we will learn to ragga toast in french
3) in our respective cities, me in dc and he in austin, we will become scene-birthing visionaries with rapidly growing fan bases and we will make French Toasting de rigeur on all the blogs
4) we will combine our powers and put out the nationwide scene-uniting album of the year: FUCKIN' BREAKFAST

we determined that the entire last year and a half of my life was all designed to get me to TONIGHT, the night we invented the idea that would change both our lives forever

<3

oh also we've decided my punk rock name is Justin Comprehensible

heir to justin sane

yeah him and i met a dude at a show named Justin D3nt the other night

i was like "you're an english major, aren't you"

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

― third sock from the sun (latebloomer), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 1:10 AM Bookmark

It's very much in the tradition of the bowl in a taco salad being a taco shell, meaning you can consume your meal without any waste (use your sleeve for a napkin.)

I also like it because it sounds like something John Amos' character in Die Hard 2 would've come up with had he been a chef and not a **SPOILER** terrorist turncoat welding a mean icicle.

hey zorn and dayo -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Polaco

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

Also:

SHOWER CURTAIN IDEAS, PATENTS PENDINGS

* Shower curtain smells like strawberries or roses or THE OCEAN whenever water hits it.

* Shower curtain glows in the dark.

* Shower curtain works like old Hypercolor shirts, changing color when wet or touched. Play on it like those new Microsoft touchscreens.

* Shower curtain with waterproof iPod pocket. (Waterproof hairnet sold separately.)

* Shower curtain with girls (or guys) that take their tops off when it gets warm, like novelty inkpens and shot glasses.

― Pleasant Plains, Monday, August 20, 2007 4:37 PM Bookmark

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM Bookmark

those new Microsoft touchscreens.

Them fancy new muh puh three players.

I used to know someone who broke a Hypercolor T-shirt by placing a myg of coffee on top of it.

I saw a guy once who actually had one of those equalizer shirts that had real-time LED lightup bars that changed depending on the music

two-in-one breast pump / vacuum sealer

my punk name is Bert Defect

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM

that's a clever idea, PP, but I fear that in my half-awake state I'd mistake your invention for the door of a SPACESHIP, and by the time I climbed aboard and turned the "liftoff" knob, I'd've sealed my fate as the poor schmuck who drowned in his dimly-lit shower at three o'clock in the morning. no one would know my true story, my story of taking a wrong turn while en route to Planet Bumshaq-3, whereupon I passed through a wormhole and crash-landed on a white dwarf star which turned out to be populated by all my dead relatives (& also turned out to be God).

I've had this problem before with regular shower curtains, but, y'know, the glowy nightlight shit just makes it that much more embarassing.

^^^ that was actually the original script for Star Trek V...

an extra strength version of tums called 'ultima-tums'

hahaha

kudos

I once made flyers for my relatively non-threatening-sounding alt country band using disturbing childrens drawings I had found on a website about children of divorce. They were all kind of in poor taste, but one of them was this incredibly creepy drawing of a house, where, in the yard stood a single tree with a noose hanging from it and an empty chair beneath.

I was going to start calling people bub one time but I didn't

yesterday I renamed my cat webinar

that is an amazing idea

WHOEVER PUT FAKE COCKROACHES AROUND THE HALLWAYS OF AN ACTUALLY INFESTED BUILDING AS HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS HAD A "TERRIBLE IDEA"

BIG WORDS: massive novelty book versions of short stories with one or three word per page that you can give to the BIG READER in your life to use as a doorstop/conversation piece

^ new (impending) governor of wisconsin beat you to it

http://www.alan.com/2010/09/20/normal-font/

truth = stranger than my terrible ideas

a website/personal services company called "Back to the Future" that samples your DNA and provides realistic images of what your butt will look like over your projected lifespan.

it would also recommend exercises and lifestyle changes in a personalized color results brochure entitled "(person's name)'s future butt"

My brain already does that perfectly. I don't feel I need this website's service.

What would really be more interesting/terrifying is the varicose vision I have for the future of my legs. I don't know what you'd call that service, though. "The Thighland of Dr. Moreau"?

Yes, but does your brain have a mobile app version?

Wait, new idea - a mobile app version…of your BRAIN!

It only makes evil thoughts and terrible ideas. So, $3.99.

Yeah, I dunno, my current brain already produces evil thoughts and terrible ideas, so $3.99 is a little steep. However, my current brain can't invert colors at the touch of a screen (yet)

48 sq ft?!?!?!

pp most of your shower curtain ideas are great imo

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 10:30 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

yes, but what is it CALLED

CORD LORD!

bored? cord lord gets your hoards of stored cords on board

^slogan suggestion

Jingle concept:

(sadly)
Oh, Lord! These cords!
I wish I could afford
a solutions for my cords.

(more spirited and upbeat)
Call the Cord Lord!
Cord Lord. Oh, sure.

(admittedly not my best work)

would they sell corduroy?

It's only four hundred an hour!
You're gonna *cymbal crash* tidy up your cords with so much power!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)
Cord lord, whoa-o-o-yeah! So much power-o-whoa-yeah!!
And for just four hundred an hour!!!
For only *cymbal* 16 to 50 hours of work at your awful job
You can pay us to fix up your cords!
And don't forget the *cymbal* tip-a-whoa-yeah!!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)

I know that doesn't read very well, but the syncopation I'm imagining is mindblowing

yeah gonna go with nijoli's on this one tbh

simplicity is important in a jingle

I feel like the exuberance of my jingle isn't coming through? Maybe I should add more exclamations?

it's the name itself that's problematic, tbh. You know that the kids are gonna call it the cum lord

48 sq ft?!?!?!

8' x 6' ? I'm really bad at guesstimating size.

i'm hearing it zs, it's like a rock band in my head and everyone's invited

I'm going to set up a rival firm called Cable Mable, staffed entirely by elderly women.

ZS - it's a gospel rave-up, isn't it?

It's an innovative marketing strategy where the jingle is recorded in hundreds of different styles and then microtargeted to each consumer. For example, Geir's jingle is like 70s genesis, whereas Hi Dere's version is sung by Fever Ray and comes with a video animated by Max.

My version is composed solely of fartz samples

FYI I have the window open and I just laughed so raucously catching up on this thread that someone outside made sarcastic fake-laughter noises back

think I may now be taken away

One of those long drain unblocking spring gadgets, except this one has a video camera in the end, and a button on the handle so that you could upload videos of you unblocking your drain direct to YouTube.

What you mean like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyRk-Lt9E3E

Yeah but aimed at the general public. People could say things like "hey I saw your shit on YouTube".

a tv show about a boy and his pet calculator called "cal, c u l8er"

again, this belongs on "awesome ideas" thread. or is "terrible" internet slang for "awesome" now?

An update of Karel Fialka's 'Hey Matthew', except featuring Jedward instead of Matthew, and titled 'Hey Jedward'.

Ayovember.

Oh wait, that terrible idea isn't mine. Sorry, my bad!!

oh ya wasn't it "terrible" when KBP got his antipodean ass banned from 1p3 at the peak of the festivities? excuse me while I break out the Systane and cry a puddle of chemically-augmented tears in Mr. P@terson's honor.

Dodecahedron December. We talk about nothing but dodecahedrons for an entire month. ESPECIALLY on Christmas

It makes perfect sense, it's the 12th month of the year!

I could make a stellated dodecahedron Dodecahedron December Tree topper, too.

http://www.knittingdaily.com/cfs-file.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Blogs.Components.WeblogFiles/tuned_5F00_in/4885.204_5F00_2-Celestine-by-Norah-Gaughan.jpg

"On the 12th Day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me...
12 stellated dodecahedrons"

This thread is going to be responsible for me making a stellated dodecahedron. I have to do December right.

shit, how do you make one? is there a template online somewhere?

write a concept album, triple lp, about the history of texas, from cabeza de vaca's explorations up through rick perry

ZS, if you knit, here are some instructions. Otherwise, I am of little help.

thanks for the link, but no, I don't knit...I would probably be awful at knitting, as I can barely even iron my shirt without fucking up big time. Origami, though...if there was a origami dodecahedron I bet I could sorta make it!

Here's a paper one you cut out and glue together

I feel like an idiot, but I can't really figure out how to do it (I haven't printed it yet, but I can't figure out what "cut the lines between the long and the short sides of the triangle" means)

*FACEPALM*

keep saying "GREAT STELLATED DODECAHEDRON!" in perry white voice
girlfriend not finding this amusing

Abbott is!

somehow I get the feeling that the girlfriend will not find that amusing, either!

While the gf and I were dining along the NJ Turnpike this evening at an especially crowded rest stop, I realized that there's a critical point at which rest stop efficiency starts to drop off especially drastically. There are a limited number of parking lot spaces, and the place also only has so much capacity to serve people (and for people to use the bathroom) without long lines forming. But around when the parking lot reaches capacity or overcapacity, the facilities inside also do.

What happens at this point is that the average time spent inside the rest stop grows considerably (from waiting in line for both food and the bathroom), meaning the average amount of time spent in the parking lot also increases, which further compounds the delays for all those people still waiting for a space.

[ Hurting ]'s Curve, we dubbed it.

The only thing mitigating this potential catastrophe, we realized, is that some families, feeling that their stay has already been too long due to waits for parking, food, and restrooms, may choose to eat their food in the car.

However, if the family merely eats their food in the car in the parking lot, they're not really saving anyone any time. So we propose that each family have a "designated driver," as it were, in these peak times, who will not eat, but drive while everyone else eats.

In order to encourage this efficient behavior, we have devised a slogan to be posted in rest stops:

"If [ Hurting ]'s Curve is in effect, don't eat and drive, and don't eat, drive, but don't not eat and not drive(the last part meaning that if you are not the designated driver, you should eat now, because you may need to be the designated driver at the next rest stop). However, if you're under driving age, you might as well eat while you're driving, because you're not supposed to be driving anyway.

― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Saturday, November 26, 2005 9:07 PM Bookmark

fwiw I don't think my then gf now wife would want any credit for contributing to this unless you consider rolling your eyes a contribution

loooooooool

http://i56.tinypic.com/2wfsa3s.gif

xpost
hey, when jerry democracy invented democracy everyone thought he was crazy too!

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

xpost to Kerm

OOOOOOOOOOOH. thank you! that's above and beyond the call of duty!

I was *this* close to animating a pair of scissors into it just because.

The thing is the more I think about it I don't even think that's a curve, it's just like a linear increase in wait time.

nope, because according to the Hurting's Curve Theorem the waiting time in the bathroom compounds the crowdedness of the parking lot, so the wait time should grow curvilinearly.

plus you have all the guys with shy bladders who take longer to pee when the restroom is crowded, exacerbating wait times.

then again you've yet to factor in the "ah, fuck it" feedback mechanism.

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

There's a terrible idea in here somewhere relating a large flat-screen weight-sensitive digital sign advertising a variable price hanging over a buffet table.

heart-congestion pricing

oh you meant the weight of the food

I was actually thinking of sensors in the seats, but the food thing might make more sense. Or less.

oh, so we WERE on the level then

what if they applied congestion pricing to these rest stops? Like, once Hurting's curve is reached, the food costs incrementally more.

There's a terrible idea in here somewhere relating a large flat-screen weight-sensitive digital sign advertising a variable price hanging over a buffet table.

― http://tinyurl.com/koalalala (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, November 4, 2010 11:20 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

a simpler terrible idea would be to just hang flatscreens at each table displaying pictures of food photoshopped to look really succulent. of course it couldn't be at a buffet since the idea is to make people eat less at a buffet not more.

Terrible idea based on a terrible idea: congestion pricing for rest stop rest rooms. The more solid your waste, the more you pay. There could even be TV commercials:

Ticket to ride, shite line highway
Tell all your friends, they can go my way
Pay your toll, sell your soul
Pound for pound costs more than gold
The longer you stay, the more you pay
My shite lines go a long way
Either up your nose or through your vein
With nothing to gain except killin’ your brain

With nothing to gain except killin’ your brain and it's killin’ the drain

That Jay-Z should do a couplet along the lines of:

Beyonce is my fiance
but business is my mistress

or "mad about hugh" - paul reiser has a layabout brother, hugh, who's always forgetting to take out the trash

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Monday, November 8, 2010 5:39 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

PAUL REISER is about the closest this thread comes to proposing a genuinely terrible idea but 'mad about hugh' is still awesome.

87-88 style Bay Area thrash band....with horn section

a tv show called MAID MEN about former mafia bigshots fallen on hard times who need to work as domestic helpers

it's funny cuz it's true

1. An adaptation of Blood Meridian scored by Def Leppard

i'm having trouble with the premise of this thread as the original post is one of the greatest ideas i've ever heard of

I can kind of hear the theme song in my head:

"Blood muhRIIIIIdian
muhRIIIIIIDian
There's so much blood on the meridiAN!"

a whole thread of bad idea Jay z lyrics sounds promising

bong and olufsen: upmarket head shop

^^^^^ this motherfuckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

that is one of the best ideas

I'm surprised that no-one seems to have thought of this already, but a quick Internet search didn't turn up anything: a bar band called The Tijuana Bible Thumpers.

Write an encyclopedic tome about the history of "Babyjet", a series of failed films which never actually existed.

Not a bad idea - Borges pretty much made a career out of it!

I feel like we need to refocus this thread on unambiguously bad ideas. The problem is that it seems like one trait of a really bad idea is that it must be boring (because if it's exciting or interesting then it's not really a "bad" idea to at least some people). And coming up with boring ideas runs against the appeal of sharing things in a thread with each other. So we'd just have to list things like "clean the bathtub with cleaner that isn't as good as another cleaner that you could have used", or "leave one of the clocks off by an hour during daylight savings time", or something. I guess this post was a bad idea.

GIS for terrible idea is actually pretty wonderful.

A bar called "The Thirteenth Step"

maybe these ideas are secretly so bad they're good.

unlike the movies in that "kill yourself" movie thread, which are supposed to be not good, even though you expected them to be bad, but you thought they'd be fun anyway, but they weren't.

FUCK somebody already did the 13th step! and it's in NY!
http://www.nycbestbar.com/13thstep/

a terrible idea:

french fries (most likely of the steak fry variety) are served standing up in a short bowl-type vessel with an inch of your favorite dipping sauce in the bottom. this eliminates the need to dip into a sauce. i think it would have to be a teak fry so it was sturdy and crispy and the outside to eliminate sog.

steak not teak

see, the terrible version of that idea is that the fries are served upside-down, with the dipping bowl on top, so it spill all over the table.

lord, help

Fries made from teak wood so that they don't go soggy when they're sitting in dipping sauce?

man I don't know if this qualifies after Z S's soul searching comment, but:

a smaller camera that you can attach to the flash shoe of your big, professional camera. so while you're taking a picture, you can take a smaller picture. plus, people won't know which camera to look at, so you might catch them either looking up out of the frame or down out of the frame.

so while you're taking a picture, you can take a smaller picture

i don't know why but this is hard lolz

anything + gun seems like a good candidate:
http://8.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kpwimzqJ3E1qz50ylo1_400.jpg

How about a camera that looks like a gun?

Gun camera business that sells candid pictures to tourists trying to figure out how to buy tickets for the metro

http://www.moviemobsters.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/clint-eastwood.jpg
"I know what you're thinking. 'Did he take six shots or only five?' And in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But the question you're got to ask yourself is 'do I add his photoblog to my RSS reader?'"

http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Stop-Or-My-Mom-Will-Shoot-500x281.jpg
"Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot (and then upload ur pic to her Facebook page after adding a load of Blingee shit)"

Throw momma off the train - the musical

Gun that looks like a camera would be hours of fun. Or...wait I think I got that the wrong way round...

kanye west cover rapper called kanye east - he's asian, and only tours in asia. in fact, I could be kanye east.

kanye north by northwest - kanye cover rapper who does an entire set while pursued by a cropduster

i had a similar idea a couple years ago: kanye south, a caricatured rapper appealing to crowds at live-action, "hee haw"-type shows popular in touristy areas of the southeast

kanye north, rapping to polar bears

sumtimes: a mathematics course for children that only teaches addition and multiplication

kanye north by northwest - kanye cover rapper who does an entire set while pursued by a cropduster

― sarahel, Saturday, 13 November 2010 07:58 (2 days ago)

i love this

wasari peas: a service that delivers a packet of wasabi peas to a loved one you have offended, along with a note imploring their forgiveness. the TV/radio theme song would go, "wasari/ oh so sorry/ peas accept my apology."

MOP JUICE

http://i54.tinypic.com/dcd7qe.jpg

fill used Pom juice bottles (like the above) with floor cleaner & label them "M♥P".

http://i51.tinypic.com/2qiws2r.jpg

worse yet, put a giant Pom juice bottle on wheels, label it "M♥P", and use it as a mop bucket (like the above) at grocery stores, restaurants, and the like. to complete the illusion, you could even decorate the individual strands ofthe mop head with maroon beads that resembled pomegranate seeds.

Porn Juice, sold in
Pom Juice bottles, containing the juices of your favorite adult film stars

ewwwwwww

(in retrospect, GIS-ing "porn juice" really was a terrible idea!)

Thought of Pom Juice label designer while frantically going through font after font to find one thar doesn't make "Pom Juice" look like "Porn Juice":

"Pom Juice? What a terrible idea"

yes it is! xp

although I did spy a tasty looking avocado sandwich

That wasn't an avocado

Mash*Out*Pomme

ricky tikki tavi - entrylev 'comedian' and pint-sized bloggah tour provincial indian restaurants

haha you had the idea for a blogger??? like r u gonna scout this person out or become them iyo

terrible idea variation: Pom Juice-a drink marketed exclusively to pomeranian dogs and their owners. It would be drinkable by both!

or a pet bodybuilding outfit that "juices" your poms

pons

pomeranian steroids

pom de replay: new mtv channel that only shows people drinking pom juice

soft-core pom: pom juice in a capri-sun type soft squeezable container

you're terrible, ideas

pom sunday: bottles of pom juice are blessed, saved, and later burned for melting plastic wednesday

P♥Mp & Circumstance - elaborate amazing race style scavenger hunt where contestants have to chug, bathe in, prosyletize, etc. abt P♥M juice at crucial moments

Whinging Pom Juice - dead Britishers are processed, bottled, and exported to Australia as a kind of liquid Antipodean Soylent Green.

an inflatable couch filled with helium, so that when you're not using it, it just floats up to the ceiling, thus liberating the floor space

POM Juice - Repopularize pomegranite juice as a tasty heal-all by selling them in oddly shaped bottles, flavoring them and selling at outrageous prices to fad conscious consumers

<3 helium couch!

yeah no doubt!

How about a whole range of helium furniture? Starting with a helium mattress that floats to the ceiling when you get out of bed. Space saving and practical, because once you're up you can't easily get back into bed and oversleep.

when you're having a dinner party, once everyone is done eating, just clear the dishes off the table which will then float to the ceiling and voilà: instant dancefloor

i think the problem is that unless you have high ceilings, someone could get rowdy and jump up and easily puncture the floating furniture, unless it was made of material that is really difficult to puncture

like tarp material!

flav's terrible ideas:
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/flavor-flav-launching-liquor-and-chicken-range_1185305
The Public Enemy star has been working on Le Flav Spirits and is aiming to have the liquors on the market early next year (2011). He says, "I want you all to keep on the look out. It should be on the shelves by January... I'm coming out with a cherry vodka, a berry vodka, an olive vodka, a sweet tea vodka, a bubblegum vodka and a grape vodka."

^^ should add caffeine

should probably post this on ILF but UK football headz may remember the baffling 501 Great Goals videos from the 90s, which delivered exactly what the title promised - 501 goals with no discernment along the lines of quality or people involved

my terrible idea is to do a '501 Great Cumshots' series for porn enthusiasts

pretty sure that already exists

I want to write a song that rhymes "internationally known" with "interlibrary loan"

twee literary indie is pretty terrible

cuckoo four loko puffs

http://www.foodcomm.org.uk/parentsjury/Awards%20Feb03/coco_pops.jpg
"My name's Loko
and I live in a tree
I drink alcohol for breakfast
regularly
I sleep in a
cardboard box
But I'd rather have a bowl of
Loko Pops, oh yeah...

<voiceover> Loko Pops are so alcoholic, they even turn your piss brown."

So... I'd rather have a bowl
of Loko Pops. <disco synth tom sound>"

Terrible idea for an elaborate joke involving dropping a pachyderm on top of someone like a comedy piano routine. This will be called "The Elephant Of Surprise".

could be a good name for a magic trick

or an elephant

Trying hard not to read Snoball's lyrics to the tune of Luka.

Calling your child something like Coughboughtoughroughthoughthrough to teach it many of the idiosyncrasies of the English language by the time it's learnt to spell its name.

That child might be the offspring of Frank Bough?
http://hub.tv-ark.org.uk/images/presenters/images/presenters_b/frankboughnw74-01.jpg

Oh and re: helium filled furniture, a van passed by me today with 'BUOYANT FURNITURE' written on the side. It was going over a humped-back bridge at the time, and there was a noticeable 'lift' as it went over the top.

Do you live inside a Richard Scarry book.

Well now you mention it, the van was being driven by a raccoon wearing lederhosen.

Richard Scarry Moving Company: Specialists in buoyant furniture, anthropomorphism and labeling things with their proper noun names

A W-bend to replace U-bends in plumbing so you can store twice as much crud in there before you need to clean it out.

a plumbing school in Bend, Oregon, called U-Bend. the name would have trifold significance, viz.:

• University of Bend
• "u bend over, u show a little crack, u learn how to unclog those pipes" (school motto)
• the u-shaped plumbing device that traps crud and keeps out sewage fumes

Pacqyderm - Filipino skincare clinic franchise

footboxing - five minutes of football followed by both teams pairing up and beating the shit out of each other for a round, winner determined by goals or knockout, whichever reaches 4 first

I thought they were the same thing?

.....

Today's terrible idea: invent an all "American" casserole called "Sister Golden Hair Surprise"

Sligohasu - Irish version of same

would it be categorized as a 'hotdish' abbott?

I don't know where the ______ surprise/hotdish worlds overlap tbh.

Today's terrible idea: invent an all "American" casserole called "Sister Golden Hair Surprise"

― Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 02:13 (5 minutes ago)

Ok, yes, having a casserole with the word "hair" in its name is a terrible idea, especially if that word is followed by "surprise."

I was thinking it could be angel hair pasta.

Maybe both people eat it, starting at opposite sides, until they meet in the middle.

Or maybe there's a surprise in the middle, and you serve it with a little placard saying "would you eat me in the middle?"

Mersebox - Limited edition diamante encrusted cigar box filled with vials of Paul Merson's pancreatic/seminal/cerebrospinal/septic fluids

no. i mean, yes. in a 'no' way.

change your facebook name to 'You' and then like everything in your newsfeed. so that when people see items that you've liked, all they see is "You likes this"

I can't tell if the bad grammar helps or hinders your terrible idea.

or the fact that it would say, for example, "You Robinson likes this"

"Your self likes this"

How about an account called "Your mother", so teenagers will see "Your mother likes this" and be instantly put off fro liking whatever it is themselves.

orange scented surgical masks from Airborne to wear on flights that give you high doses of Vitamin C while protecting you from germs on the plane
3 cents to make, sell for 6 bucks

That's not a terrible idea, as long as you're the one making the money from the masks.

a mask that delivers vitamin c would be expensive and impossible to make

that Facebook account should be called 'Nobody'

he who talks loud, saying nothing

"nobody robinson likes this"

"nobody but robinson likes this"

xp the mask delivers vitamin c because you eat it.

a t.v. show hosted by Patti LaBelle where she counsels trouble teens and sets them on the right path called SAVED BY LABELLE

SO it's like edible underwear?

if we were talking for real, let's say it's an orange scented surgical mask that comes with a little pouch of granulated Vitamin C dust. Chug the dust, doff the mask, it'll keep you safe and well on your flight

That's a great advertising slogan:

'Chug the DUST - Wear the MASK'

I can imagine a plan full of guys in foil print tattoo t-shirts wearing orange masks shouting (a bit muffled) "fuck yeah!"

Beeps has taken to asking for Orange Dust instead of orange juice. We weren't sure if she had been given some Tang somewhere, so we asked what she was talking about. She said orange juice tastes like orange dust to her, ergo…

But it made me think about this mask thing. How hard would it be to have inside the mask a pouch filled with dry orange pulp? Surely that pulp they take out of pulpless orange juice has to go somewhere, right? I'm thinking we get with Tropicana and offer them a solution to disposing of their waste byproducts.

Or since the dust is orange coloured, maybe we could use vitamin C enriched Cheeto/Wotsits dust?

My terrible idea was enacted last night:

"Nuclear Winterval" - where we all get together to watch The War Game and Threads and public information films about what to do in the event of the bomb dropping. And also eat mince pies.

awes

I had this terrible idea today while travelling by bus. It follows on from the 'book of pictures of things written in the dirt on white vans' idea, and is this: a book of Zen koans and other BRANE ASPLODE type slogans written in the dust on the back of a bus. Seems that the backs of buses are especially dusty. Anyway, today I saw the phrase 'I AM CLEAN' written in the dust on the back of a bus. It is the exact opposite property (the bus is dirty not clean) that enables the message to be written in the first place.

tumblr to book deal imo

hoxton bro-scene energy drink called 'fuselage' that contains 4x the recommended daily limit of viagra

Jaar .jar binks - Limited edition archive of novelty fileformat videoblogs from Chilean techno wunderkind

Illegal drug called "Time Machine" that puts you in a coma for a year

book idea: "Zombies Be All..." goofus and gallant style race-based comedy LOL zombie mash.

Tonight's terrible idea - this post. My previous post is a serious terrible idea that I've been coming back to in my head for several days. I work in a bookstore, and I see the things that are published as if they are a "take a memo, ""Racist Zombie Book"", I want a draft by Monday".

I want to make a book that is full of racist zombie comedy. "Black people are all "I like to eat ribs", Zombies be all "RIBBZZZZ" , White people are all like brainy, Zombies be all BRAINZZZ; with funny pictures. I'm not trying to hurt people with racism, I'm positing a terrible idea that is full of racism.

I'm also sorry I posted on this sub-forum and disrupted the flow of an exchange I've enjoyed lurking. I regret everything I post on the Internet these days. I hope this is the last post under this identity. I can't even get into the gmail account linked to it. It would be okay to make these posts go away.

in conclusion, I suck and my posts suck, and my terrible ideas suck, but they are terrible.

I'm quite a clever fellow in real life, my friends are often terribly amused. I don't mean friends exactly. Some people I know. at my job. I'm all like "RACIST ZOMBIE HUMOUR BOOK!!!" and they're all like "okey doke"

I could just keep typing. I may be sick, I've had a strange taste in my mouth all evening.

sorry.

You may want to ease off the cherries and ice cream, Zachary Taylor.

Illegal drug called "Time Machine" that puts you in a coma for a year

― old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 02:47 (Yesterday)

aka Light Speed

aka Flight of the Navagator

Zachary Taylor have you spent any time on Cape of Good Hope?

A moustache that is underneath the bottom lip, called an 'Under 'Tache'.

Zeedonk - Donk microgenre from Frisian Islands, 160 bpm see shanties with electro stabs and sick lyrics about fishing, drunken violence in depressed fishing towns

Put a donk on Brel's 'Amsterdam'.

otm

undertache is a soul patch, no?

I was thinking that by careful combing/training it could be made to resemble an upside-down 'tache.

need to see this to make an informed comment

Even terrible-r idea - the Triple 'Tache. Comprised of:

• a regular 'tache,
• an under 'tasche as descripbed above,
• a Tuomas style chipstrap with the sideburns and most of the jawline removed and the remainder shaped to look like a regularly oriented 'tache, just on the point of your chin.

I'm worried that 'taches 2 and 3 might look too much like lips, prompting comments like, "trying to grow a new mouth, eh?" don't get me wrong, it's a perfectly good terrible idea — I just wouldn't want to be the pioneer, that's all.

google search for understache suggests the web equates it with soul patch

Waxing the soul patch to look like a Dali-esque 'tasche?

I mean, that would totally out-do Dali in the facial hair stakes. Even more so if you grew a Chin 'Tasche and waxed that as well.

http://www.innovativeenterprise.co.uk/images/next-level-logo.jpg

http://www.okaygreat.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/beard7.jpg

You could then centre part the hair on top of your head, and use hair gel to make it into a giant Head 'Tasche.

``THE MESSAGEBOARD MURDERS``:

a guy posts to an internet messageboard, gets hounded off for making racist statements about football players. he decides to start his own internet forum, with only himself participating, but in different voices...as different made-up posters. he devotes all of his spare time to starting threads and crafting intricate drama and conflict, flamewars, banning controversies, etc... he finds himself more involved in his creation than he ever was on the "real" messageboard that he formerly posted on, or even in any of his past real-life social interactions. it's his obsession, it consumes his whole life, blah blah blah.

during a several day bout with the flu, he is too sick to keep up with his board. when he returns to it, the board has mysteriously taken on a life of its own. all of the fictitious posters have continued posting in character, as if he had never taken a break from the thing. as well there are a gaggle of new posters participating. he decides to follow along silently for a couple of days and wracks his brain trying to find a logical explanation for what he is witnessing (the forum is pretty much ungoogleable and new posters are only allowed with the approval of him in the role of the board administrator...furthermore, his pc was powered off during the duration of his illness, and he has always maintained a scrupulously secure setup, with no room for someone else to be able to keep tabs on what he has been doing online or on his machine)

after a particularly heated online argument one evening, a long-time poster is summarily banned. the next day, while scanning the front page of his local morning newspaper, our hero is shocked to learn that of the brutal murder of a young person in town sharing the same name as the banned poster from his fake messageboard. at this point he is losing it, but he continues to haunt his board for the next week or so, as meanwhile the same horrifying pattern continues, bannings and then murders, with the victims sharing the banned fake posters' names. he finally decides to have a go at participating in his creation once again, and begins to post under the name of his favorite character, the first poster he ever invented for the game. ...and omg, you won't even believe what happens after that!!

A hint of Sombrero Fallout, there?

I work in a bookstore, and I see the things that are published as if they are a "take a memo, ""Racist Zombie Book"", I want a draft by Monday".

I want to make a book that is full of racist zombie comedy. "Black people are all "I like to eat ribs", Zombies be all "RIBBZZZZ" , White people are all like brainy, Zombies be all BRAINZZZ; with funny pictures. I'm not trying to hurt people with racism, I'm positing a terrible idea that is full of racism.

kinda thinking that such a book already exists, you caught a glimpse of the spine of it in the store where you work, and then it got lodged in your subconscious before coming out the other end in the guise of a terrible, original idea

there is a sequel to that 'stuff white people like' book ffs. and i'm sure they sell like, zombie plush dolls and all kinds of crap like that. it's just a mushing of those two ideas along with a tribute to shitty standup comedy tropes

del that's at swim, two birds

or mulligan stew

same thing tho

http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1172261764l/156192.jpg

i had to google that brautigan one, hmmm...

actually, i was thinking it was more reminiscent of some early stephen king short story or something!

wow, have you read that coover book?

yeah it's good, a lot more readable than his other stuff. recommended.

ok, thanks! the amazon reviews are intriguing me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9fc-crEFDw&feature=player_embedded

Lancing the Boyle - Documentary in which Scottish Youtube sensation spends a week teaching music at public school

have been thrashed @ football on the hallowed fields of lancing on >1 occasion iirc

xp I was thinking 'huh? Frankie Boyle?' but realised that you probably meant Susan.

Lancing the Boyles - Followup in which school pageant is organized by unlikely showbiz 'couple', comedy ensues from mixture of cloying sentiment, misanthropy and privilege

i can only hope u don't sign up for some terrible spurlockesque documentary where u live your life according to the teachings of yahoo answers

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Thursday, December 2, 2010 10:07 PM (32 seconds ago) Bookmark

a ringtone which is the exact sound a phone makes when vibrating on a table

is this a request? i think i can do this one. (the ringtone, not the boyle lancing)

inflatable furniture you say?

http://gizmodo.com/5705388/dont-worry-the-balloon-bench-wont-float-out-of-your-house

But it's not really floating! The balloon 'strings' are cables!

starting a consulting firm whose motto is NO CEILINGS

it was a disaster when HOOS's consulting firm moved to vietnam during the monsoon season

vietNAM - a vietnam war themed vietnamese restaurant